I find this pic amusing because her skin tone matches mine so well but she looked like this due to her having jaundice! |
I went through a phase while Lilyana was in the NICU, where I literally spent all my at home time Googling everything I could have done to cause this. I use to think was this my fault, what the hell did I do. I knew I didn't DO anything but, I held this guilt. Once you hear that dreaded question "are you sure you didn't do anything" it started to get to me, a lot. The doctors told me it wasn't anything I did but, they even tested her for a few viruses that could have caused it. Even though I was never sick during my pregnancy, they wanted to check.
Now a days I don't care about the questions. I would rather people ask questions then stare. Either ask a damn question or keep walking. The problem with questions these days is people want a full report. I don't always have the time to explain every little detail. Someone once told me I should make cards with her disorder and explain what it is and how it affects Lily. When I first heard this, I was like OMG I am not doing that LOL. I just didn't get the reasoning behind it. Now I COMPLETELY do! Thanks GWEN!
Lily in her tumble forms chair,. she is holding her rattle big stuff !! |
I think at this point in our lives, I have excepted everything. It is what it is. There is nothing that can be done to change it so the only thing left to do is except it and move on. Don't get me wrong I have my days. My angry days, my sad days, and my happy days. I have days where I am angry Lily can't do things other babies her age and younger are doing. It's definitely hard to see other peoples babies babbling, smiling, reaching for toys, sitting up and the big sigh, walking. I am so happy for others and so sad for Lilyana and myself. I know it's selfish. I feel like I have been robbed of the child I thought I would have, the amusement and laughter a growing baby would bring. Then I look at my precious baby, who is now close to 11 months old, and smile.
My sweet girl on her first trip to the pool ! |
Lilyana with her cousin Caden |